The me that I am now is a stranger to me. Then I feel maybe not a stranger at all. Sometimes I am the cocoon around me and other times I am the soul inside of the cocoon. There is this cocoon and the world around me. Sometimes I am the crowd in my world and other times I am the lonesome world.
I am the lunatic looking for signs of me on the old trail. I left pieces of me at every mile. .. like the pebbles left as signs to find my way back to me. Sometimes I am those pebbles down the trail and other times I am the trail itself.
That part of me is long dead; then I realize it is very much alive. It lives just under the thin layer of my skin. It is there in my eyes, sometimes there caught in the net of those lines on my palm. Sometimes I am those lines on my palm and other times I am the me caught in that web.
I see myself sometimes, just a glimpse of me somewhere in the crowd. I stop and look for me…it’s a routine hide and seek. Sometimes I hide and don’t seek, other times I seek but I am not hidden.
Then I see myself in my eye and say, “When will you realize that I won’t come back?”
I am the lunatic looking for signs of me on the old trail. I left pieces of me at every mile. .. like the pebbles left as signs to find my way back to me. Sometimes I am those pebbles down the trail and other times I am the trail itself.
That part of me is long dead; then I realize it is very much alive. It lives just under the thin layer of my skin. It is there in my eyes, sometimes there caught in the net of those lines on my palm. Sometimes I am those lines on my palm and other times I am the me caught in that web.
I see myself sometimes, just a glimpse of me somewhere in the crowd. I stop and look for me…it’s a routine hide and seek. Sometimes I hide and don’t seek, other times I seek but I am not hidden.
Then I see myself in my eye and say, “When will you realize that I won’t come back?”
I think it will take me one lifetime.
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14 comments:
Nice flow of thoughts !
I exist or not I shall go on playing this eternal game with myself--my only playmate ! I look for thee deep inside me and I long to be with thee for ever when I exist and when not !
There is a feel that sweetly reminds me of Tagore's philosophy.
Best wishes,
It would be interesting if we can really see our destiny manifesting itself in front of us. We would be saved by the random choices which actually make us look back.
Fantastic post!! Loved the way you used the different objects (cocoon, pebbels etc) metaphorical to your existence in a totally different time and space.
jui, i've been thinking about this for quite sometime - all of us, the dcs gang is going through a fight between the inner and the outer self, the people that they were just 2 years back and what have becometoday. I wonder if its our age or the fact that we were lead such a different life in Pune. we have reluctantly forgetten that phase and moved ahead but deep down we now what we have lost in the bargain...
@saibal
thanks for reading and appreciating my post.. also, it was vry nice of u to share those lines with me..this post could not have received a better compliment.. if u say it reminded u of tagore's philosophy..
thanks a lot!!
@shubhank
In a way we actually see our destiny manifesting itself in front of us... are the choices really choices? what we look back at is maybe a choice we thought me made, but never really got to make..i dont know..
anyways, thanks for reading this one..:)and appreciating it..
@bhumika
u r absolutely right bhumika..Pune was different, more real than any phase of my life..everyone's life at DCS i guess..Pune seems more recent to me than every day here in Mumbai..i think i have left me behind there at univ..its so true when u say 'but deep down we now what we have lost in the bargain...'
i can totally relate
hmm...the thing is if we could actually see our destinies manifesting themselves in front of us then there would be a choice which can let us delude our chosen destinies.
Of course that brings us back to the 'destiny' vs 'free will' argument.
Its something like, emotions begin subconsciously and our body reacts to them before we get 'consciously' aware of those emotions.
There is a surface, under which there are a lot of things happening, and emotions actually fuel our decision to make choices.
So since we do not have a conscious access beneath the surface it is impossible to control it with one's will.
Essentially, using one's will we cannot actually control the emotions (which I said fuel the choices) although we can supress them.
err...I think Im going a little overboard here. Sorry about that.
@ shubhank
its so interesting, that there are so many ways to the the same end. when we talk abt subconcious..there's a confusion there. i feel so aware of everything happening there..there never is a moment of unawareness, its maybe just purposeful ignorance..
free will becomes a slave to itself after a point and there maybe is a point where the line between destiny and choice gets merged..i don't know in the end who becomes a slave..the free will or destinty ot both..
i think i stop here
Yes, very interesting actually.
Its almost like as if reality is conning each and every one of us. It lays an array of myriad choices and facilitates us to pick up one, the one that we think is picked up by us but isn't actually.
Manipulating, as if its our idea but it is not ours.
Not that I believe in that, just a thought.
I think I too will stop here. Looking forward to read more from you.
@shubhank
Looking forward to read more from you too.
Thank God, you guys stopping.This was getting too much. Now can you guys think some constructive rather than 'hyper-abstractive'!
@ adesh
Finally!! u decided to comment on my blog..thanks Mr.Disciplinarian.. I feel honored!
My Pleasure!
Beautiful thoughts!!
loved the depth of it...
would have done more justice if it were a poem...:)
Still very beautiful though
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